He asked why she identified as passionate, and without delay, her mind flooded with volumes of evidence... In her opinion, no better descriptive came to mind. Whether a tactic of self-defense or a manipulative attempt to glamorize habits she could not avoid, she had grown to see herself as proudly impassioned, and prone to defend any and all correlated inclinations.
For better and sometimes worse she perceived herself the victim to no alternative but to completely and feverishly immerse her heart, mind, and soul into the task at hand. Sometimes this paved the way to unusual success while other times unusual mishaps, beautiful and terrifying experiences. But I suppose that is the risk one takes when giving all of their being to a singular vision, trusting that a thread won’t snap. To her great fortune, her strings have usually defied gravity, bearing enormous weight.
Passion, however, is often misinterpreted by the uninformed or conservative observer and as such, mistaken for irresponsibility and even selfishness. These individuals however, have never tasted the nectar of risk, nor been lost in the fervor of an intoxicating vision.
But for her, this self perception, is unmistakable, insatiable, her heroine of sorts. It is the feeling, the drive, the energy that comes from loving something completely, risking all and giving, acting unpredictably in response.
But when asked why she saw herself as passionate, and prompted for examples, she grew defensive. How odd it is that she is compelled to justify her nature. Is it immature or telling of some deep and hidden insecurity? Or rather some need to act in contradiction to past experiences or influencers? The mere curiosity of her interworkings is experienced as a threat to her house of cards. Perhaps she is not passionate at all, just ungrounded, undecided, and fleeting. After all, semantics, when repeated time and time again, become ideas that lend to embraced beliefs. And this is process through which her self-perception is born, and there, in the stillness , she finds sanctuary from herself, peace with her inability to understand exactly who she is.
See "Mama" 27 September 2009.
ReplyDeleteSing and learn from the songs and the defeats.
You are brave enough to express them and I greatly admire that in you.
In times when no one else is willing to hear you sing you will always have me - we share the duet - now you MUST learn new verses that express the joy in what you learn.
Look for joy in the new decade.
I've wondered about that word lately...passionate...what does it mean to be passionate about something..to be impassioned..to have passion for someone else...I suppose for so long passion was a word I thought was so overused and I would constantly look for a "better" term via thesaurus..but the truth is i think we see passion not in ourselves but others..and recognize it only when someone points it out to us..and Becca, my love, you are the very essence of passion..in your work ethic..in your art..in your commitments and relationships..if purple is designated the color for passion you are all hues and shades of such from lavender cream to bordeaux wine stains on white linen...the best.
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